Sick again

This is not a plea for sympathy, nor do I want it to be very "TMI" - I just have had an unfortunate relapse in my chronic heath/illness situation in recent weeks and I feel like I need to be honest about it, publicly, because it impacts my ability to feel good and to smile and to be happy - it will NOT impact any of my upcoming shows/performances - if anything, I might have a little more "fire" in me when I'm feeling lousy and have to play, because I feel everything a little more deeply when I'm in pain (trust me, though, I would still rather not be in such near-constant discomfort)

I am, however, trying to get better. Have an appointment coming up with my gastroenterologist in February and hopefully, with any luck, I will already be feeling better by the time I go see her (that often happens - fingers crossed). Trying to eat right, exercise, stay positive, all of that - but I don't feel good, a lot of the time, and so I feel like I occasionally have to make a little announcement when I'm this debilitated by illness

It will pass. It always passes. That is one thing I have learned. I also have studied my "patterns" and it seems that my worst times of year are, well, now (late January) and also right after summer (Sept./Oct) - part of this is due to often eating and drinking too freely (without enough regard to the often-very-delayed impact my diet can have on my body).

So I know the pattern - and I am beating myself up a bit because I did not do enough to avoid it (did not eat/drink carefully enough in the months leading up to this flareup). I feel like "I never learn." Well, this time, I am really going to try to learn.

One big thing - I can't drink alcohol anymore. I mean, like, I really need to quit it entirely. And that can be easier said than done. Especially as a person who plays long (2 or 3 hour) solo shows a lot and the venue often offers me free drinks. Well, I need to turn them down. For good. Even if sometimes a drink or two or three can make a tough gig "fly by" a little easier - it doesn't matter. No more alcohol, especially "the devil" (which for me means craft beer of any kind - seems to be the absolute WORST for my gut problems). I am not someone whose body can properly digest alcohol - over time, it turns my "microbiome" (my gut bacteria) into a total mess. So I can't keep just saying to myself "don't do this to yourself again," I need to live it. I have poor willpower sometimes. I can't keep re-injuring my body with alcohol

But this is where I'm at - I am having a bad flareup and I'm in pain a lot and it helps me to talk about it a little. I didn't want to splash it all over my social media because frankly it's embarrassing, so I thought I would relegate the discussion to my little-read blog. I hope I get better soon. This sucks. But I know I will, because I always do - it just can take a while. And as it gets warmer out, and there's more sunshine, I probably will improve just from that (hope it doesn't take that long though) I'm playing all of my shows. I need to be active and earn a living, even when I feel bad.

But damn, I sure hope this flareup passes soon. It sucks. Thanks for listening